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The Little Blue Man

Words and music copyright ©2000 by Blake Hodgetts

(I can't explain this song, which insisted on writing itself. It used to be my kids' favorite, but I don't know that it still is.)


Got up early with the morning sun
Every day is like a race to run
Stepped into the bathroom with slumber in my eyes
Stood before the basin and much to my surprise

     There was a little blue man standing on my toothbrush
     I asked him what he's doing there, he said "not much"
     I need to brush my teeth, or else I can't begin the day
     Oh I wish that he would go the heck away away away
     I wish that he would go the heck away


I asked politely if he'd kindly move
I made it clear that I did not approve
The little man ignored me like a cat before a king
He acted just as if it were an ordinary thing

     To have a little blue man standing on your toothbrush
     I'd understand if I'd been taking drugs and such
     I need to brush my teeth, (etc.)


My tone grew firmer and I pinched my brow
I said "Hey, Mister, will you please go now!"
The man was unresponsive; he didn't seem to care,
and I was feeling foolish in my socks and underwear

     Before this little blue man standing on my toothbrush
     But this was not a time to waver or to blush
     I need to brush my teeth, (etc.)


I'd had enough of this politeness stuff
I grabbed the little man to pull him off
I met with no resistance and set him on the sink
But soon as I released him, I didn't more than blink

     When there's the little blue man, standing on my toothbrush
     I leaned upon the sink as if it were a crutch
     I need to brush my teeth, (etc.)


Pulled him off again and lost control
Flung him down into the toilet bowl
I quickly pulled the lever and watched him swirl away
But when I turned around again I'm sad to have to say

     There was the little blue man, standing on my toothbrush
     Apparently he wasn't something I could flush
     I need to brush my teeth, (etc.)


I said then, "Little man, I have no choice."
There was determination in my voice.
I took a pair of scissors and snipped the man in two,
I threw away the pieces but as soon I was through

     There was the little blue man, standing on my toothbrush
     I thought upon reality I'd lost my clutch
     I need to brush my teeth, (etc.)


I decided, though it might seem grim,
In the kitchen I'd get rid of him.
Dropped him in the blender, set it to purée,
Poured it down the sink, took a moment out to pray

     But there's the little blue man standing on my toothbrush
     It did no good to grind him up to slimy mush
     I need to brush my teeth, (etc.)


Then I muttered to myself, "Well, tush!
Why not buy yourself a new toothbrush?"
Hurried to the market, after quickly getting dressed,
Opened up the package, but you’ve obviously guessed

     There was the little blue man, standing on that toothbrush
     He seemed to think his new abode was mighty plush.
     I need to brush my teeth, (etc.)


At this point I kind of lost my head
Don’t recall exactly what I said
I guess they think I’m crazy ’cause I’m in a padded cell
And ev’ry day I have a new psychiatrist to tell

     About the little blue man standing on my toothbrush
     They never want to listen and they always rush
     I haven’t brushed my teeth and now I’ll never start the day
     Oh I wish that he would go the heck away away away
     I wish that he would go the heck away!